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What are some clever Jokes/quotes that satirize the stupidity of the present day Human? Or our present day culture? Some that may even be a little subtle or abstruse to most people. Not saying one is unintelligent if he/she doesn’t understand, but more like naive or sort of oblivious to their own nature.

“This is not because IRS employees are bad human beings or lazy human beings or stupid human beings; it is because they have been asked to manage and administer a tax code that has become impossible,” – Newt Gingrich

“Computers are incredibly fast, accurate and stupid. Human beings are incredibly slow, inaccurate and brilliant. Together they are powerful beyond imagination.” – Albert Einstein

“Sure the people are stupid: the human race is stupid. Sure Congress is an inefficient instrument of government. But the people are not stupid enough to abandon representative government for any other kind, including government by the guy who knows.” – Bernard Devoto

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe.” – Albert Einstein

“The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.” – Voltaire

“Earth has its boundaries, but human stupidity is limitless” – Gustave Flaubert

“As long as greed, stupidity and cowardice remain a part of the human condition, there will be a constituency for Democrats.” – Jack Kelly

“Libraries keep the records on behalf of all humanity. the unique and the absurd, the wise and the fragments of stupidity.” – Vartan Gregorian

“Human beings can always be relied upon to exert, with vigor, their God-given right to be stupid.” – Dean Koontz

“It’s not like me to make stupid mistakes like that, but if you weren’t human you wouldn’t make mistakes. I was frustrated about it. You don’t want the same thing to happen two times in a row.” – David Barrett

Single people from all over the world find a great relief to know that nowadays it has become really easy to search for dates, companions or just friends on the Internet. Most of the singles find online dating and chat communication as fun, and therefore it is very comfortable to turn to this method of meeting new people and making friends. The new revolution in terms of online dating and chat came with the difference between dating sites and relationship sites.

For instance, online dating and chat for fun is what most singles turn to on the Internet, and sites such as American Singles or http://Match.com fully meet their needs. There is casual dating and loads of games and Jokes particularly in chat rooms. But with http://Date.com, you may get to a different level, not just chatting, but moving on to being seriously committed to finding someone to share your life with. For some people, it may be just some kind of pass time, but for others, it’s serious business.

Maybe you’re out for an afternoon date, or maybe you’ll find love for a life time. Online dating and chat can take you to a different level, if you need upgrades, just do your best to be loved. Why are chat rooms so much looked for? It’s the only way to communicate directly with your date. It’s difficult and particularly rare to fall in love with someone without knowing anything about each other. Online dating and chatting represent the virtual small talk of two people on a regular date, who need to find out more.

Online dating and chat have become even more popular thanks to the advance of the technology. Not only can you talk to your date, but you can also see each other on webcams. Video chat is an immense success, and lots of singles fully take advantage of it. All dating sites have the option for video chat, and it is highly advisable that you look for those dates that use a webcam. It somehow breaks the wall the distance the computer screen puts up.

Once you are combining online dating and video chat, you will be one step further to meeting your other half. For instance, you won’t have to worry and wonder about how the other one may look like, and the chances of meeting someone dishonest are significantly lower. How come? Well, with a webcam you don’t rely on the typed words exclusively, the image offers you another type of language to decipher: body language, you will definitely get an impression on the others unspoken reality.

Clair Harvey
http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/how-to-find-online-dating-and-chat-friends-122294.html

I’m making a comic about a bittorent tracker user having cops on his tail xD. Its supposed to be funny and the part 1 was (I posted it in my tracker forum and everyone liked it) But I have no ideas for part two. Any good Jokes or funny situations/events?

Person one: Alright bring it!
Person two: Oh I already brought it, put it together and inserted the AA batteries bitch.
Person one: … f***

Family Web Site Guide

Why We Should Create a Family Web Site

A family Website is a great way to share what is going on with other family members and friends, especially those who live far away. On the family web site, we share a lot of fun thing about family on it, for example:

• Introduction of family member
• Excited event in family, such as: birthday party, new baby birth, wedding, a travel, etc.
• The growth of the kid or just a few pictures we take during a walk. Your kid will enjoy going back seeing what you did a few years ago.
• Post funny Jokes that we read or comment on what is going on in the world
• Just think about all the other possibilities.

So making a family web site will be a fun family project. And it really isn’t hard to create it and it doesn’t cost too much as well!

Choose a Name for Your Family Web Site

First, you will need to think about a domain for your family site, choose something that will make sense to you and your family. And try to keep it simple and easy to be remembered.

What kinds of Web Hosting You Need for a Family Web Site

Basic Requirement of Web Hosting Plan for a Family Site Basic requirement will discuss about the general feature of Family Web Hosting, such as disk space, band width, reliability, etc. Those are the basic feature you need to think about when you want to hosting a web site.

• For a family web site, a shared Linux Server web hosting plan is the best choice unless you really want to use ASP or .Net to build you site, spending more time and more money.
• About reliability, since most of the web hosting company can provide 99.5% uptime, and considering it’s not a business site, this uptime percentage is good enough for a family site. No need to spend more.
• Disk space will heavily depend on what you want to put online, only picture, or together with Video, since video become more and more common, and you might want to share the family video with your friends. So let’s do a simple calculation, one picture will 250k, and 5 minutes video will take 50M. So, if you put 2000 picture and 100 video on your family site, picture will take you 0.5g disk space, and video will need 5g, overall, you will need a space around 5.5g. About Band Width, if you plan to put a lot of picture and video online, a 10g band width is expected, if only picture, a 500M -1G should be ok.
• For Email account, unless you have a very very big family, otherwise 1 – 10 Email account should be ok, and you also can use some free email account from Yahoo, Gmail, etc. Since Family site is also shared in the friends or family group, you definitely has no need to have a Shopping Cart of SSL to do the business, and you also don’t need a Web Market Tools to attract a lot of traffic to your web site.
• What about the server location? For this question, I would like to suggest you to host your site domestic company considering most of the visitor in your country, it would be faster to access your site.
• You have no need to spend a lot to get a domain name, it’s usually take around $6.5, and in most cases, you can get it as free when purchasing a web hosting plan. And you can order Domain and Web Hosting plan from different company, and have the Web hosting company to help you host the domain in their server. You only need to submit a case, and they will handle it for you.

Advanced requirement of Web Hosting Plan for a Family Site

The advanced requirement will discuss about what additional help you need to get from web hosting company if you have some specific requirement. And the solution for it will depend on how skilled you are,

• Blog

Do you want to have a Blog in your family web site, if yes. And you know some basic PC knowledge, you will only need to you will need a web hosting plan can host MySQL database and provide Fantastico in its cPanel, you can install the blog by yourself via Fantastico (it’s pretty easy, just click through some installation process). But if you have no IT knowledge and don’t want to spend some time to learn, you will need to have Blog preinstalled by web hosting company. Another good solution for it would be you can write the Blog in some other space, such as www.blogger.com, and add a link in your web site which will lead the visitor to your blog.

• Photo Galleries

If you don’t know how to arrange the picture in the web site, you will need a Photo Galleries to help you manage the picture. But if you know about HTML, this will be something optional, you can spend some time to build a one you like most. After all, create a family site is a fun project, and DIY is part of it.

• Web Design Tools

If you have basic knowledge about HTML, and know how to use the tool like Frontpage, you will no need to have Web Design tools in your web hosting plan, otherwise, it would be good to have some basic web design tools included.

Price

No great comment for this one, just pay what you want and get what you have paid.

What’s the Best Web Hosting Plan for Family Site

There are a lot of Web Hosting Plan can host your family site, many people might want to order a plan which can host more than one domain and then they host their home small business site and family site together under different domain. This could be a choice, but I would like to suggest to host them separately and the thought here is to separate your business and private usage. Don’t let your family site impact your business, your kid might upload a lot of picture and use up your bandwidth and make your business unavailable. You can visit Web Hosting for Family Site to see which companies provide the web hosting plan for family web site.

Reference

Web Hosting: Guides, Compare Prices, Hosting News, Consumer Review, and Marketing

Web Hosting Plan for Small Business

Web Hosting Guide

lin.zheng
http://www.articlesbase.com/web-hosting-articles/family-web-site-web-hosting-plan-120124.html

I need funny Jokes or stories to tell at a funeral service tonight, just to lighten up the mood of the folks. Any rude comments, please , don’t post anything.

I would suggest making a referrence to something the deceased found funny and something that most people there will quickly recognize as his sense of humour.
If you go with a regular ice-breaker joke it could be seen as very tacky, or even inappropriate.

If your bedtime partner is a noisemaker at night, would it be your greatest wish for him/her to stop snoring so that you may have a peaceful sleep?

Snoring might also create relationship problems for those people who snore that they might desire to stop snoring but don’t know how. This article will answer your question on how to help snoring stop completely.

The problem of Snoring often becomes part of ridicule but it is really painful to hear from those people who are suffering from this sleep disorder. Yes, this is a sleep disorder, it’s not a mild thing that can be ignored and just let it be, it needs to be addressed because it has a serious medical and social consequences.

What kind of consequences are we talking about? Socially, you will be the butt of Jokes and ridicule while medically you’re not getting enough rest.
Lack of rest will result into something serious like obstructive sleep apnea and long-term health problems. So how to help snoring stop has become a dilemma for a lot of people around the world.

According to Dr. Laura Inselman, “Snoring” happens when a person can’t move air freely through his or her nose and mouth during sleep. That annoying sound is caused by certain structures in the mouth and throat – the tongue, upper throat, soft palate, uvula, as well as big tonsils and adenoids- vibrating against each other. These are among the many reasons that will inform you on how to help snoring stop in the best possible way.

There are a lot of ways that can help you to stop snoring; there are medical treatments like Uvulopalatopharyngoplasty (UPPP), Thermal Ablation Palatoplasty (TAP), Genioglossus and hyod advancement, but the treatment will depend on the diagnosis on how serious the problem is.

Most of the mentioned treatments are surgical procedures but if you can’t afford it or the snoring is not so serious, here are some of the ways that will help snoring stop, a self-assist tip. But be reminded that these tips might not totally help stop your snoring but, it can lessen the frequency and the sounds it makes.

Live a healthy lifestyle, it means that you have to avoid smoking because it can affect your central nervous system and it also relaxes the muscles on your throat, causing you to snore. In addition, avoid drinking alcohol and eating heavy meals four (4) hours before you sleep. Exercise and maintain a weight that is parallel to your height and age. Excess weight especially in the neck is also a factor that causes you to snore.
By being health conscious about your diet will also play a major role in helping you to stop snoring for a better sleeping habit.

Another way to help you stop snoring is to get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation also causes a person to snore.
Sleeping positions, to help stop snoring some suggested to always sleep at your side never at your back and to elevate your bed so that you are in a half-sitting position.

Medicine intakes, you can try taking nasal congestants to clear the air passageways. Another thing to help stop snoring is to avoid taking antihistamines for allergies, and avoid sleeping pills or sedatives.

Dave Zegers
http://www.articlesbase.com/health-articles/how-to-help-snoring-stop-119021.html

I hear that a common way to start an interveiw is for the interviewer to ask the interveiwee to tell a joke. I would like to be prepared if this is asked of me in an upcoming interview and I can not think of any appropriate and funny jokes.

I would turn this into an opportunity to open the interview on your terms. Tell a story about something that happened to you, something humorous but not negative, and how you overcame it.

My example: I was about to give a presentation to a group when a young woman in the back said I wasnt the cute guy she had seen from my company in the past. Nice way to meet a client new to me! By the end of our time together she was ok with me even though I wasnt the cute guy she’s seen before.

Jokes in interviews are land mines, think through how you an use it an a way to take control of the interview.

Everyone has their own unique taste in fashion, which is reflected on the style of Men’s T – Shirt you wear. It is human nature to be louder or shy then other people, to be more serious or funnier. The same is seen in the style and type of clothing men wear. On many occasions people who are louder and more confident tend to wear brighter, outstanding clothes, whilst men who are normally shy and quiet wear less loud bright colours. This is why different styles of men’s T – Shirts differ between different male personalizes.

I have found on many occasions more confident men; wear T – Shirts that stand out from the crowd. By shopping online I have found many websites that sell many bright and loud , cutting edge T – Shirts. Many top brands such as Gorrilla, Lambretta and BC London have been found selling unique clothes that are not normally found in the high street. With the power of online sales, you are able to get a larger variety of stock because many websites, in this case men’s T – Shirts specialize in just T – Shirts and are able to buy in bulk, which would reduce the price, plus have a larger variety when compared to shopping in your local store.

With brands such as Royal T there is a comical persona attached to the people who buy this brand. Many of the T – Shirts feature satire Jokes written on the chest such as, for example, one T – Shirt has a drawing of Elvis DJing on a pair of decks with a quirky comment written underneath. This would instantly attract a lot of attention and the people who usually wear these kinds of clothes like attention. This shows that people that want to stand out in this way wear these comical clothing’s which would grab a lot of attention from the general public.

On the other hand, one can look at brands such as Peter Werth. This upper class exclusive brand is for made for the people who like to wear expensive designer wear. Much of this clothing is subtle, blends in with everyone, and yet holds that notion of quality. This make is usually targeted at the middle age group, yet is becoming more popular with younger adults.

So, from this short article it is possible to see that different kinds of people wear different styles of clothing. With such a variety of clothing to buy the needs of different people are met. The availability and range of styles increase with online purchasing because there are more people shopping online because the seller is open to a global market.

David Kensington

I always get awkward when comments or Jokes are made about obvious flaws/weaknesses in my appearance or personality. What is the best way to respond in these types of situation? Should I try to make a joke about it, verbally agree to it or just not say anything?

Dear ‘Awkward’,
Key word (in my opinion); why do you get awkward? I recommend define for yourself what you mean by akward (in terms of definition/actions/…) then! Consider "the source" of whom is making the comment or jokes about obvious (another key phrase) flaws weaknesses in appearance or personality. Appearance and/or personality are not so easy to change; so if the "the source truly is sincere and the intent is to help" not joke [redicule in private or publically] then a solution or constructive criticism should follow.

Age group/setting? Rhettorical question: it matters how to respond, if family, tell ‘em later we can use examples and solutions; if public, silence is good. Perhaps, take a quick look at that person’s appearance/personality, and just think it, and make eye contact, and move on to another subject. or suddenly, see someone you’ve been playing phone tag with and excuse yourself.

Smirk, hang in there. Bottom line: always "consider the source" then weigh the pros and cons. If you agree, then ask for help from somebody you trust: don’t rule out mums/dads/aunts/neighbors with more wisdom; even strangers…safely.